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fuck this shit
it is entirely inconsistent with elizabeth’s character for her to drop everything (PIRATE KING thank you very much) to raise a child as a landlubber
give me elizabeth, eight months pregnant, still running the show from shipwreck cove
give me elizabeth and her six-year-old
soncabin boy kicking ass and taking names as they outrun the royal navy
give me elizabeth, instead of waiting for will, sailing out to meet him
give me elizabeth dying at sea four years and one week later and signing aboard the flying dutchman to the shock of its captain
give me elizabeth and will co-captaining the dutchman and sailing the seas beyond the edge of the world for eternity together
give me young billy (i’m forced to assume they, as pirates, are unimaginative when it comes to names) telling the story of william turner, who gave up everything for the woman he loved, and elizabeth swann, who took it back with sword and pistol
THIS IS THE FUCKING PHONE THAT I LOST IN DECEMBER.
AFTER THE SNOW MELTED, I FOUND IT THIS MORNING FROZEN IN THE ICE.
HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET OUT THERE.
IT’S TURNING ON
WHAT IN THE HELL
IT’S IN MINT CONDITION.
THE SPEAKERS WORK, THE HEADPHONE JACK WORKS, THERE’S NO CRACKS
"Dick Jokes" is an appropriate title, I think.
*Casually lingers in the past to avoid the realities of the Ew 52*
Now, let’s go over our schedule once again, shall we? Petunia, when the Masons arrive you will be…? In the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our home. Good. And, Dudley you will be…? I’ll be waiting to open the door. Excellent. And you?